Note: I am disabling comments on this blog because I don't want my feelings to be hurt. Please do not leave comments on my message wall either. I have suffered for too long. Please be supportive. :(

Next year is going to be much different than this year. One example is that I stopped drinking orange juice and coffee every morning. I am aware of the consequences of not taking vitamin C every day. I said earlier that I was going to attempt suicide again. The best way for me to die early is from undernutrition. I know that I should not be doing this to myself, but sadly I feel like I have to. There are some bad people who bullied me every day and made death threats. They used words like "idiot", "stalker" and the S word. I already reported one of them on a website when they attacked me on a journal entry, but no one is banning the offender. Life sucks and there is no justice.

Another big change is that I will stop going on the Internet except when I have to check my email account for new messages. I never told you this before: I have a form of autism and I need to be social to be healthy. Sadly, I was unable to make friends for ten years (I mean in person and without a computer). I am depressed and I have been hurting myself every day. Every morning, I burn myself with hot water when I take a shower, and I like to open sores on my body to lose blood. If I don't get professional help, I will do worse things to myself.

As long as my mother is living with me, I need to check that email account and stay alive for her sake. She is sick and doesn't have much time left. I am the only person who cares about her. I sometimes get angry with her for keeping me alive and making me buy groceries every week. I get annoyed easily when she calls me while I am at the computer or my game. I wish we would both die early so I can just disappear already. I hate my life.

I am sorry for this emotional rant. If I don't talk to you again next year, that is why. I am trying to die again. I want someone in reality (not on a computer) to see me suffering and give me a chance to make amends for my past sins. I especially need Ravenfire5 and Shezarae of Deviant Art to see me this way, because then I hope they will forgive me.

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